so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
