I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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