My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
