I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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