I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
