watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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