operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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