Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
