I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
