4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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