When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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