your thong is hanging out like whoa
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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