Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
