Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
