Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
two words: eviction party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
