There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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