Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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