someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
