why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
