Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
