so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
