hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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