Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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