Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
