I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
