At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize