Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
