Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
