I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
