So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
