this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
