this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
