and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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