Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
