At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
