I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize