i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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