i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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