She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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