VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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