She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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