Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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