For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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