I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
