Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize