and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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