this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
