I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
