i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
