Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
