I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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