Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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