in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
