the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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