Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
