Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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