But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
