the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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