She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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