I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am available for nakedness
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
