I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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