Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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