My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
